My underwear smells like fireworks.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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