Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
