did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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