i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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