just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize