Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
