The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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