i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize