if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
