dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just found puke in my bra..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize