Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
