the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
