if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
