This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
