this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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