At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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