just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
