Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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