Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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