I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
