There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
