first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
