hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
