i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize