well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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