I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
