i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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