Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
