I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
