the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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