I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
There's even glitter on my cock...
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