1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
