who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I forget how to act sober
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
