Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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