he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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