I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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