Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize