Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
