Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
