What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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