that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
