She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
