My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
