I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
