so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
