I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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