i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
