Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
