My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
