i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Come see our sink grown plant.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
