the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
