i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
