I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize