doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
