After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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