If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
