You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wish there were birth control emojis
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
