My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
