If i come over, it means nothing
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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