My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
