Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
