my vag is so smooth its legendary
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
