Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i out mim tonsoeep
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