I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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