i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
