Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
