I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize