Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
