True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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