You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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