What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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