Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
