So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so let's talk penis.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
