did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
