she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
