That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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