I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
