if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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