You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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