If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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