Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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