you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
