so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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