I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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