sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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