You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
