my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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