dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
