I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
be right there i have to get my cape
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
