RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
