please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
